My Thoughts Lead Me to You
by Pandora North Star
Summary: Buffy Spike post death fluff


Title: My Thoughts Lead Me To You   
Rating: PG-13   
Distribution: Sure.   
Author: Pandora North Star   
Spoilers: Sometime early season 6ish.   
Summary: Buffy goes to Spike to break off their friendship but ends up taking it further that she ever thought she would.   
  
"I came to tell you that I can't see you anymore."   
"What do you mean?" Spike raised as scarred eyebrow at the Slayer. She wrung her hands together, perfectly manicured like always.   
"I mean that we can't hang out anymore."   
"Why?"   
"Because." She looked away. He was going to make it hard. And why shouldn't he? In truth she had been leading him on since she had come back from the dead. "Can you put a shirt on?" He realized he wasn't wearing one. He had been working out, but when she showed up the world always seemed to fall away. He grabbed his black shirt from the floor and pulled it over his head.   
"Now then. What's your reason?"   
"I can't hang out with you anymore because you're a vampire and I'm a Slayer. I swore I wouldn't do this again. Not after Angel. I have to get back to Slaying and you have to go be bad and annoying or something."   
"So you gonna stake me? Cos if I do that then you'll have too."   
"Well it would make things easier."   
"Easier. Yeah. So you can go home and not feel sorry for Spike, the unsoiled vampire on the path to redemption cos he has nothing left to lose. Like hell I would give you that luxury." He sneered. "No, You get to suffer from whatever feelings you have, the same as I do."   
"Who says I have feelings for you?"   
"You can't tell me you kissed me for no reason last year Buffy. There was something there! If there wasn't would I have stayed here? Would I have had hope that you would come back to me? No! I wouldn't have."   
"I can't do this again Spike." She crossed her arms and held them close, as if to shield her heart. "I have to go."   
"You walk away you can't come back." He was surprised at himself for saying it. It was true. He wasn't going to let her pull his heartstrings to pieces. He had watched it happen to Riley. "I'm not Riley. I won't put up with your crap. I may be a vampire, and below you, but I don't deserve it." He lowered his voice. "No one does." He turned away and busied himself with picking up his crypt. He waited for her to make the next move, all the while fear heavy in his heart. What if she didn't like him like he thought? Had he read her wrong?   
"I'm sorry." He looked up. There was hope.   
"Why?"   
"Because I shut down a long time ago. I stopped living before I died." They gazed at each other. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and rocked slightly on the balls of her feet. "What more can I say?"   
"Say you'll stay."   
"What?" It was his turn to explain.   
"Say that you'll stay. I can't lose you again. You have no idea how hard it was. How many nights I stayed up, haunted by nightmares of you."   
"I can't promise that. You know it. I can't give you tomorrow. I don't even know if I can give you today."   
"Can you give me right now then? Just this moment?" Her lip trembled. Like she was going to cry. She had been lonely for so long. She wanted to know somebody again. Even if it was Spike. But then again, he did care for her. What did she have to lose?   
"Maybe." She stepped towards him, one foot after the other. Like it was a new experience for her. She walked until she was in his waiting arms. Then she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him.   
"I love you." He whispered.   
"Shh. Don't talk." She shook her head. As they kissed they slowly wound their way downstairs until they were in his bedroom. She stopped when they got there.   
"We don't have to do this if you don't want too." He said. She shook her head.   
"I saw you from Heaven. You took care of her. I want to do this. I want to know I'm not alone. That someone knows what I've been though. Someone who knows my past that knows there could be no future."   
"Right then." He lowered her gently until they were together, twisting and turning, becoming parts of one another. Rolled into time until they were one, then two. Each time they discovered how much more they needed each other. Scary but exciting.   
Buffy realized, as she lay quietly next to Spike that at last she felt at peace with herself, like the 2 halves, the Slayer and the girl felt complete. Half asleep Spike pulled her close, reminding her that he would always be there.   
  
Over my dead body!~the kind that doesn't come back!   
"He kept poking me with his hook. I sent him over to charmed objects. With any luck he'll poke the wrong one and end up in an alternative dimension inhabited by a 50-foot Giles that squishes annoying TV pirates 


End file.
